Revision Plan

3 Revisions:

1. I am revising my conclusion because I feel that it is not as strong as it should be, and it kind of ends without leading the audience to a "so what."
2. I also need to expand the "so what" of family in my paper, and their affect on the story.
3. I need to explain my middle paragraph a little more in depth because the emotions I was feeling are not expressed to the extent that they should be.

3 Edits:

1. I used a lot of commas in places they should not be. I need to go through and figure out where commas are needed, and take out the ones not needed.
2. There are some broad words that I used that need to be more in depth. Like when I said, "There are things in life that can hurt us." I need to be more specific on what "things" and other non specific words mean.
3. My word choice in some of the sentences does not make sense, so I need to re word some sentences completely, and make the ideas more clear.